Not too long ago, I promised to bring up another side of the marriage discussion. Lucky for everyone it didn't turn into as big of a debate as
But with everyone writing something this week I felt left out. So here is a thought on the other side of the world of relationships.
Now it's not a bad thing to be single. In fact, all of us at one point in our lives are single. Some of us are single multiple times. Most of our readers (if I'm not mistaken) have been single for a longer period of time then they have not been.
But while people are single, if they like to admit it or not, they do consider other people as potential partners. Be it, long term, short term, VERY short term etc.
What do you look for in a potential partner?
What do you avoid in a potential partner?
What baggage has the most red flags to you?
Now for a lot of people, the first item in the baggage check is children. Then it's probably something like finances (or debts). There's also a dynamic known as positive baggage. Think of this as a passengar on an airplane bringing a fuel truck to help fill up the plane they are boarding. This positive baggage is, money (assets), potential networking for business or personal.
But lets go back just a little bit. Children. Is children really that big of a degree of baggage?
What does children mean when you are looking at another single person as a potential partner. Well, it means they have a physical, legal, ginetic bond with someone (to roughly sum it up). What it also means, is that at some point in their life, they were like you (if you don't have kids). They were single, dateable, friendly, mature(ish), enough to get into a relationship with someone, start a family, and all things tied with that. Excluding of course the one night stand baby, and other situations I have not allowed for.
Maybe the biggest baggage we should be looking for is if the person is crazy or not. Or a mental midget perhaps.
I was at a party a little while back, it was for a friend who is "celebrating" his new direction in life. At the party was a collection of other people who were single that were "wookin pa nub". It was kind of a singles theme, meaning people who had a gf with friends, brought their gf and their friends whom were single. And girls with a bf who has friends brings his single friends. It wasn't this organized but bare with me.
My friend is quite well off, he has a nice place, and is a pretty stand up guy. But he has kids, and from what I could hear some of the others talking about, this was a hurlde.
But from the fly on the wall perspective, most of his elligible partners had no relationship history (succesful anyway) they were quite high maintenance, snobby, not very attractive, and for all I could gather their shit didn't stink. And they were sitting there talking about the problems with guys that they meet.
Well here is where I'm going with this. I see these people who are alone, and appear to be looking for a partner. They are going over the ups and downs the ins and the outs, and aren't able to see a connection with why they themselves can't find Mr.Right. (or Mrs.) But the problem at hand is they have a flaw that they can't identify. Or if they do identify the problem, their 'friends' spend every waking hour of their time together convincing the person that they don't have a problem.
The truth is we all have issues. We all have baggage, and nobody is perfect. Including B.@.D. People in a relationship have issues, and those not in a relationship have issues. If you have a friend who has a flaw and they are identifying it, don't be a bad friend and tell them it's not an issue, don't tell them they are fine the way they are, encourage them to look inside and work on being someone they want to be, and help them stop identifying with this bad trait. Do you think telling your buddy that women are bitches and that's why the don't call him after a first date is going to help him get anywhere? No, tell him that maybe he needs to try a new angle. You aren't saying there's anything wrong with his current one, but you are suggesting it might not be the correct angle for what he's trying to achieve.
I don't think everyone should have a partner in life, because that's just insane. But for those of you looking to have a partner, there is no shame in taking your time to make the right judgement, but look inside yourself trying to find a pattern if something is failing. All of us have patterns, and that's what gets you where you are. How bad you want something is directly proportional to how bad you are willing to work for it.
Just some scattered thoughts that I couldn't think of a proper way to communicate other then one scrambled paragraph after the other.
Happy hump day everyone,
Interesting Youtube video blog worth looking at of the day...B.@.D and I thought it might be. Maybe it's because of this that I figured it wasn't that big of a deal to put out a view from the other side.