Baggage

Not too long ago, I promised to bring up another side of the marriage discussion. Lucky for everyone it didn't turn into as big of a debate as

But with everyone writing something this week I felt left out. So here is a thought on the other side of the world of relationships.

Single people

Now it's not a bad thing to be single. In fact, all of us at one point in our lives are single. Some of us are single multiple times. Most of our readers (if I'm not mistaken) have been single for a longer period of time then they have not been.

But while people are single, if they like to admit it or not, they do consider other people as potential partners. Be it, long term, short term, VERY short term etc.

What do you look for in a potential partner?

What do you avoid in a potential partner?

What baggage has the most red flags to you?

Now for a lot of people, the first item in the baggage check is children. Then it's probably something like finances (or debts). There's also a dynamic known as positive baggage. Think of this as a passengar on an airplane bringing a fuel truck to help fill up the plane they are boarding. This positive baggage is, money (assets), potential networking for business or personal.

But lets go back just a little bit. Children. Is children really that big of a degree of baggage?

What does children mean when you are looking at another single person as a potential partner. Well, it means they have a physical, legal, ginetic bond with someone (to roughly sum it up). What it also means, is that at some point in their life, they were like you (if you don't have kids). They were single, dateable, friendly, mature(ish), enough to get into a relationship with someone, start a family, and all things tied with that. Excluding of course the one night stand baby, and other situations I have not allowed for.

Maybe the biggest baggage we should be looking for is if the person is crazy or not. Or a mental midget perhaps.

I was at a party a little while back, it was for a friend who is "celebrating" his new direction in life. At the party was a collection of other people who were single that were "wookin pa nub". It was kind of a singles theme, meaning people who had a gf with friends, brought their gf and their friends whom were single. And girls with a bf who has friends brings his single friends. It wasn't this organized but bare with me.

My friend is quite well off, he has a nice place, and is a pretty stand up guy. But he has kids, and from what I could hear some of the others talking about, this was a hurlde.

But from the fly on the wall perspective, most of his elligible partners had no relationship history (succesful anyway) they were quite high maintenance, snobby, not very attractive, and for all I could gather their shit didn't stink. And they were sitting there talking about the problems with guys that they meet.

Well here is where I'm going with this. I see these people who are alone, and appear to be looking for a partner. They are going over the ups and downs the ins and the outs, and aren't able to see a connection with why they themselves can't find Mr.Right. (or Mrs.) But the problem at hand is they have a flaw that they can't identify. Or if they do identify the problem, their 'friends' spend every waking hour of their time together convincing the person that they don't have a problem.

The truth is we all have issues. We all have baggage, and nobody is perfect. Including B.@.D. People in a relationship have issues, and those not in a relationship have issues. If you have a friend who has a flaw and they are identifying it, don't be a bad friend and tell them it's not an issue, don't tell them they are fine the way they are, encourage them to look inside and work on being someone they want to be, and help them stop identifying with this bad trait. Do you think telling your buddy that women are bitches and that's why the don't call him after a first date is going to help him get anywhere? No, tell him that maybe he needs to try a new angle. You aren't saying there's anything wrong with his current one, but you are suggesting it might not be the correct angle for what he's trying to achieve.

I don't think everyone should have a partner in life, because that's just insane. But for those of you looking to have a partner, there is no shame in taking your time to make the right judgement, but look inside yourself trying to find a pattern if something is failing. All of us have patterns, and that's what gets you where you are. How bad you want something is directly proportional to how bad you are willing to work for it.

Just some scattered thoughts that I couldn't think of a proper way to communicate other then one scrambled paragraph after the other.

Happy hump day everyone,

Mizzle


Interesting Youtube video blog worth looking at of the day...
B.@.D and I thought it might be. Maybe it's because of this that I figured it wasn't that big of a deal to put out a view from the other side.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

GP Miz! What a busy week...

Anonymous said...

i definately agree - but being single is different than being married

Jaderberri said...

I have been dating and living with a guy who has a seven year old son for over three years now. I definitely don't regret it for a minute, but I also don't think I would do it again with someone else if we ever broke up. Major reason being that you give up A LOT of time and energy, both for yourselves and for each other. Date night? Forget it! Weekends lounging in bed? No way! The freedom to move, vacation, go where you want when you want? Rarely. And if the ex is not a nice person? Well you gotta deal with her/him for the rest of your lives together (she is not nice btw). Don't get me wrong, there are great things about it too, like an excuse to go to the park, bike rides, camping, etc. The joy a kid can bring into the house. Knowing that you are giving yourself to another person who loves and needs you. But I would be lying if i said I wasn't at least a little bit jealous of my coupled friends who only ever have to think of each other and have all the couple freedom in the world.

Jaderberri said...

GP though, and I do agree with the other stuffs =)

Anonymous said...

well said!

Anonymous said...

GP Miz!!!

Anonymous said...

people dont look inside themselves enough when relationships go bad - in my opinion. and in my opinion, i think some people enter into them because they think they're supposed to because they think that's how society works.

Ozi-Style said...

Unfortunately i have a couple of guy friends who have had a child with absolute head case women, and are now single.

I think from my perspective it would be scary to know you have to be willing to stand up along side your boyfriend in a battle with the head case ex. That would just be draining and if there wasn't a huge connection right at the start then it might not be worth entertaining a relationship to begin with?

I also have a really good friend who has just ended a 4 year solid relationship with the love of his life because dealing with her ex husband has just become too much for him.

My best friend is single at the moment. She is gorgeous, has a really fun personality but holds an extremely high powered job for her age, and as a result earns ALOT of money - guys seem to run from her when they find this out... is that a deal breaker that your girlfriend earns more than you?

Mizzle said...

Jade, that's awesome, the fact that you can camp and go for bike rides and hang out and not drive each other crazy causing all sorts of fights is what makes your relationship great in my limited opinion. That's probably why he had a kid and a relationship in the first place. But if he was a mental head case who was obsessed with stupid things, and crazy and psycho you wouldn't be able to be where you are.

I'm no guru on this stuff at all, but to me, your situation is a perfect example that a child isn't that bad of baggage, it's the personality and other characteristics that make up the person. Which is essential for a healthy relationship.

Ozi, I think guys have a real hard time being lower on the totem pole. The money and power might just seem like a benefit, but to the guys it's one more angle they don't have that makes the lady really need them. It's strange I know, but I really think it's an area where most men don't have the confidence to overlook something like that. In reality she probably didn't care if you flipped burgers just as long as you brought the other traits to the table she needed in a relationship, but to that burger flipper, he may think she can get someone who flips steaks, or stuffs potatoes, etc. And that's hard to get over if REAL genuine confidence isn't there.

Ozi-Style said...

Interesting, but i do see your point, it's nice as a girl to know you need your man. For years i earnt more than my husband, but now he has taken over and loves to gloat about it ;)

Ozi-Style said...

BTW - go and watch 'He's just not that into you' for a fun relationship movie!

Anonymous said...

Interesting - good post Miz! Wonder what B@D thinks...

Anonymous said...

Hump day????

Anonymous said...

Wednesday = hump day

GP Miz!

Anonymous said...

Wow, so I was off the grid for a couple days this week on business and I came back to see 4 posts this week alone!

Just wanted to say that I really liked all of them, they we're all different and interesting. Which I think is one of the best things about this site, that we have a bunch of very different people with very different styles.

I was gonna throw something up tomorrow but want to do some more work on it, and with all this quality writing I'm sure no one will notice.

PS: Mizzle, I've decided to let you take care of telling everyone about you potentially coming to my rescue in that field in the middle of nowhere last night... you tell those stories better than I do...

Back on Monday.

Anonymous said...

GPs this week everyone!

Mizzle said...

I will get my good pencil out to draft the potential B@D saga story and have it submitted to the nerdary where my fellow nerds can put it together.

Mizzle said...

And you driving through saskatchewan for 1/2 a day doesn't put you off the grid. Hahaha

Mizzle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mizzle said...

Stupid iPod double post.

B-Rush said...

GP Mizzle - enjoyed it. I think you're right. In my opinion, baggage is what makes a person who they are. If Mr. Jaderberri didn't have a child, he wouldn't be the same person she loves right now.

Jader - good for you for being able to see past the "inconvenience" of a kid, and move past to the fun parts.

Ozi - My wife makes more than I do (not a huge amount now-a-days)... but believe me, I gloat all the time about my SugarMomma!

B@D - still haven't changed the locks to get me outta here have you?

Anonymous said...

Mizzle: Hey, I was driving for a full day, and was rewarded for doing the job I was hired to do with another entire day off. OK, I was rewarded by myself rather than the company I work for, but I call that empowerment. To steal a quote from my dad "I'm paid for what I know, not what I do."

B-Rush: YOU THINK LOCKS ARE CHEAP?!?! YOU DON'T DO THE BUDGET, OK? I DO.

Anonymous said...

GP guys. B@D started a good debate.

Anonymous said...

There is no magical "forumla" to a good relationship. People have to WANT to be in a relationship (and a lot of people don't) and they have to WANT to be with the person they're with. It's as simple as that.

People just assume that human beings are all monogomous. Star-crossed lovers, swans, etc - we are not any of those things.

Mizzle said...

To the above commentor... B.@.D is a swan...

Jaderberri said...

haha Mr. Jaderberri, I like it =)

and yes he would not be the person he was when I met him, and neither of us would be the people we are today. Nor would his son be the same if I weren't in his life. They are my family now. I think having a child involved forces a person to grow up a lot, be responsible, and it also makes you realise what is important and what is not. Which is another reaon our situation works for us, we don't sweat the small stuff.

Ozi- funny, my man supported me a lot when I was in school. Now that I am working full time, I often am the sole income in our house (construction sucks right now and 'husband' is a carpenter). I know I am appreciated, but I also know it secretly drives him crazy.
However, he too likes to brag that I am his sugar mamma lol

Anonymous said...

To the above above commenter... B.@.D is *NOT* a "swan". While certainly I am capable of and can certainly enjoy relationships, my mid-late twenties made me happily aware of the fact that I don't NEED one to be happy.

(Sidenote. Once I realized I didn't NEED one to be happy, that's when I became a LOT happier actually being in one. End sidenote.)

Mizzle said...

B@D has pictures of swans in his living room.

Dylf said...

....swans and unicorns......

B-Rush said...

Swans and Unicorns are code for, "Mizzle" and "Dylf" aren't they?

I can just see the framed photos on his nightstand already....

Mizzle said...

"I don't mean to sound like a queer or nothin but I think unicorns are kick ass!" B.@.D

Anonymous said...

Those aren't paintings, they're stains on a black canvas that LOOK like... ah nevermind.

Anonymous said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Jaderberri said...

hahaha! B@D does keep framed pictures of all his loved ones. Jaders included =)

Anonymous said...

Mizzle is up there too! And Prince.

Not Dylf though. Fuck that guy.

Anonymous said...

lol