M3: Day 1

Fuck me, I'm on a farm.

All right, here goes something...

"Before playing, Read the health and safety precautions booklet for important information about your health and safety."
Well, that's not a good start, being that I pirated this.

Also, they tell me that this is the same game, but the text had to be translated to English by fans. I guess I should have anticipated that, being that the game is from Japan. But there's something about the phrase "fan translation" that worries me.

2006 - hm, it's newer than I thought.

I'm asked to name the "younger twin brother, a gentle boy." I go with Enzo, named after my puppy.

I'm asked to name the "older twin brother, an energetic boy." I go with Lincoln, because I've started a car theme and Lincoln is a cool older brother name.

I'm then asked to name the "strong, kind, dependable father". I go with Chakotay, because fuck it, why not. And for the "beloved mother", I go with Sloan.

The brave and smart dog... AWWWWWW. Shit OK, I guess I took Enzo already. If Enzo had a dog, what would he call it? How about Ozne, Enzo backwards? No, that's stupid. I'm going to name the dog Locke, in honor of Lost ending soon.

This looks like an awfully close farm family. This shit better not be boring.

Favorite homemade food - huh, I'm tempted to put "dog" now, just because of the order they did that in. I'm going with Steak. I'm guessing that'll be amusing because I look about 6 years old.

Favorite thing hey... shit, that's broad. I'm going to go with "Trance".

That's about it for the naming, and we're off to the races!

"Welcome to the world of Mother 3"

We are in the "Nowhere Islands", in a town called "Tazmily Village", beyond the "Sunshine Forest".

Son of a BITCH, we ARE on a farm. Nothing good ever happened on a farm, and they smell funny. Anyway, apparently this is the home of Alec, Sloan's father. So I live on my grandpa's farm. My parent's can't even afford their own goddamn farm. Well, this is awesome so far.

Awww, look - we have a cow. How come I didn't get to name her? I'm going to call her Buttercup. She will be my best friend. I love her.

There is a knocking at the door while I'm sleeping in bed. OK, I actually look about THREE years old. I'm just going to say I'm 3-6 years of age. This should be good.

Lincoln yells at me to get out of bed - OK, so my twin brother is a dick. Good to know early on. He says the "Dragos" brought their babies over... and that they're really cute. Wow, way to hook me in early - cute babies! Unless they're dragons, this will have to be a hell of a visit from neighbours and babies to keep me interested.

By the way, you know what the first 5 minutes of EarthBound had? A fucking METERORITE dropping.

But hey, cute babies are good too.

All right, that's it for one night. Coming up next, we find out who the Drago's are, if their babies are dragons, and if I am able to get the family dog Locke to go after my brother Lincoln's gonads as pennance for waking me from my slumber. I will also hopefully get to eat steak.

B.@.D