Thanks to a freak prairie storm it was touch and go as to if the band would actually be able to make the drive from Regina to Calgary on Wednesday. Thankfully they got here a mere hour before having to be onstage. Close and nervous call for those of us who had paid $70 plus for tickets. It always amazes me when I think of all the hours spent on the road, especially when they come onstage with an hour prep time and give one hell of a killer show.
Mind you for the first two or three songs I kept nervously eyeing the smelly guy standing rather close to me. Just saying but if your going to be going to a crowded place you should at least shower first, or at the very least apply deodorant. I wasn't really nervous because he was standing so close, to be honest, I was nervous wondering what he thought about me. I know what your thinking what does it really matter if he didn't even bother to shower, what he thinks of anything. I guess that could be seen as having a very big ego. To be standing in a crowd and be worried that everyone was thinking about you, either that or severe paranoia.
But in reality the conversation inside my head went like this:
"is he staring?"
"whats he looking at anyways"
"time to enjoy yourself"
"relax listen to the music you love Great Big Sea"
"everyone is dancing and laughing and your just standing here like an idiot"
"now everyone is going to be looking at you weird because your not signing and dancing"
"if I sing people will be looking at me weird anyways"
"people must be wondering what the heck is wrong with the freak over here"
That's just a sampling, it kept getting worse almost to the point I couldn't relax and loose myself in the music and experience. I've often heard it said you can be your own worse enemy, and in this case that sure is true. I think I really need to work on positive self statements. That would be half the battle. As the saying goes your only as good as you feel, and well, if you keep telling yourself your crap that's how your going to feel. Now I am a realist. I'm not dumb. I know there are people out there who look at me and immediately judge me because I am not 150 pounds, or because I have a zit on my cheek, or because my hair isn't long. I am also aware that there are people who could care less about any of that, its those people I should be listening to, not the others. The problem is, its the others that mirror my inner voice. How do i get that to stop?
I leave you with a song played at the concert. A favorite line "the hardest part of life is to live while your alive". How true.
Here and Now by Great Big Sea
The sun must set to rise The light will leave your eyes again Then breaking like morning's dawn Does summer feel the winter come The hardest part of life Is to live while you're alive my friend So sing an unwritten song Or repent for the deeds you left undone This is Here This is Now It's the moment that we live for And we just can't live without It's all clear to me now We've already started dying And our time is running out Oh, Right Now Time is ours to steal She's a secret to reveal my friend And when your children have all grown You'll wait by the window And wish them all back home Walk a little further off the beaten path And we'll drive on even if we get there last Our backs against the wall And we will lunge and bite And we'll rage, rage, rage against the dying of the light