Getting to Know Your Consierge

.....so in a previous post, one of my esteemed colleagues had posted a very useful reference regarding travel etiquette, specifically about air travel, airports, airplanes, etc.....hopefully everyone took some notes and also reviewed the comments on the post as there were many useful tidbits that anyone could takeaway to make their next travel experience just a little smoother.....what my colleague did not reference was a list of "to do's" for once you arrive at your destination to assist in your travel experience......so i would like to embark on starting a little list here......................but seriously folks, i'm the stupidest man alive so there ain't a chance in hell i can help you with such a list, but here's some advise i can give you................for the love of fuck;

DON'T LOCK YOURSELF OUT OF YOUR HOTEL ROOM NAKED!!!!!

Anecdote #1 - about six or seven years ago I had been recently promoted in an organization that I had an 11 year career with.....i was on the top of the world, i was the king of the world, i was the king of the castle.....so with a new career comes new opportunity and of course, new training.....and where typically is that new training??? without a doubt, new training is 95% of the time at the centre of the world.....Toronto.....so six or seven years ago i head out to toronto ready to take the bull by the horns and set the world on fire!!!  training comes and goes without a hitch so on the last night i hook up with some old friends from the T Dot to get plastered....we hit several establishments and i have several pints of beer....as per usual things get foggy and i go home drunk as shit....now the next bit is fuzzy and i do remember getting back to the hotel and gearing down, but i don't remember locking myself out of the room....i told my significant other at the time that i must've been going to the ice machine to get water  but for all i know there could have been a hooker in my room who kicked me out....anyway, i call down to the consierge desk and tell them i'm locked out and the consierge comes up and swipes me into my room....i remember quite distinctly that i was staring face first into the door looking straight down at my junk and just knocking over and over again until i see the consierge's hand "reach around" me and swipe the card to let me in........fuck me......ok Dylf, let's never do that again....

Anecdote#2 - so anyway, a couple weeks ago i get a new job and i'm on top of the world.....new opportunity with a new company....i'm the cat's ass, i'm the a number one cool guy, just ask me, i'll tell ya.....and so they fly me out to Toronto for some new training.......and motherfucker I LOCK MYSELF OUTTA MY FUCKING ROOM AGAIN NAKED......AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH.......fuck....fuck....shitfuck.....what is wrong with me that i do this???  seriously??? ...so anyway, i'm a little older and wiser so i call down to the consierge this time and let them know i'm locked out and need to get swiped in but when they come up to let me in i kind of lurk in the little enclave of the room down the hall as not to show my "bits" to the consierge, which sounds fine in theory until the person in that room decides to open the door to see what all the ruckus is about.......

...i hate toronto...and b@.d....