Meet the Drago's...
Did I mention that the prequel to this game had a meterorite falling within the first 5 minutes? Instead, I'm going outside to meet our neighbours 'The Drago's' and their babies, who are apparently 'really cute'.
So I get out of bed. This isn't a bad room for a farm kid, but it looks like they have a kettle AND a fireplace in the room for a 3-6 year old. Yeah, that seems pretty safe. Oh, and I have to use a ladder to get in and out of the room.
I go downstairs and Mom tells me that Lincoln has been up for a while, playing with the Drago's. I guess she thought I didn't know that despite the fact that he yelled it throughout the house. I hope he got in trouble for that shit. She then tells me to change out of my pijamas before I go outside, and I can either say yes or no. Later on, when I get Locke to attack him for waking me up, I want Mom remembering that I was obedient today, so I say yes.
I go upstairs and change into my day clothes. So far this game is about as exciting as a weekend with Batman. Mom then says I look 'manlier' now, and to go have fun. This makes me feel like a TOTAL FUCKING NINJA HARDASS!!! I go outside and there is an old looking man who is not my father standing outside. I sure hope that's my grandfather. It is, phew. He says that today's the day we head back home, and that he's going to miss us. So I DON'T have to live on this farm? Awesome. But what about Buttercup, my best friend?!?!?!
Then I go to the Dragos and ask them why they're putting up with this shit. They can't talk yet, but I do get this:
I can't get away, so I have no option but to 'ram' it. I do so, and a big piece of my childhood and a much bigger piece of my innocence, files away.
Before I have a chance to lose my shit and start bawling, a "mole cricket" comes in, and says he wants to playfight too. The screen goes into battle mode and I am fighting the fucking mole cricket. He says he is going to wipe the floor with me.
Huh, so this is all about you, is it, mole circket? Okay, we'll see about that shit.
A minute ago I might have thought twice about fighting a cricket, similar to how I refused to step on ants. But I am a different person since my grandfather and brother forced me to spear a defenseless fucking baby lizard. Besides, ramming an animal that doesn't fight back is one thing, but now I'm being challenged.
So get ready to shit piss and piss shit, mole cricket.
All right, that's it for today. This shit is twisted. Can I get off this fucking farm now please, before they ask me to start snaring gophers? And have I mentioned a distinct lack of meteorite in this game so far?