Leaving Las Vegas...

I like vegas....I like it a lot...i like the the way it sounds when you say the name of the city "Lassss Vegasssss"....i like the way they treat you at the airport when you land, like you`re in the land of rape and honey and ain`t nothin gonna break your stride or hold you down....i like drinking in the cheap places, drinking cheap beer like Mickey`s like you`re gonna hit it big and tonites gonna be the last night you ever drink this shit....i like the sound my shoes make on the casino floor...i like the smell on the streets at 4am when my breath probably smells worse....i like the people, all the men and ladies on the street, flipping their 1-900 -call-a-date cards at me like its the first time i`ve ever been there and like the $4.25 an hour they`re making is going to pay their monthly at the "no-tell motel" so they don`t have to go back to mexico...i like hotels that will pay replacement cost for your clothes when you trip and fall in the lobby and get your shirt snagged on a doorknob so badly it rips clean off your back....i like going to tangerine and paying $1000 for a bottle of grey goose so i can get a table and then being ignored by nikki hilton...i like walking into jimmy buffet`s margaritaville actually expecting to see jimmy buffet....i like waking up in a cab with 3 prostitutes in the back who say i "promised" to go back to my hotel room to party...i like the looks on their faces when throw $50 at the cabby and jump out while its still moving...i like the vegas airport, where they know how to fast track someone with far too little sleep and far too much liquor in the system so they can board their flight that leaves in 15 minutes...i like drinking on the street, and in my elevator, and in jail....i like the double down saloon and gettin`all goosed up and jumping on stage, wrestling the mic from the performer to shout profanity in it and still not getting kicked out....i like buying beer at a drug store...i like buying drugs in the drug store parking lot...i like getting invited into the bathroom to do blow and then laughing at the people doing it when i get there....i like fishing my soaking wet wallet out of my pocket after i`ve fallen into the lagoon at the tao bar....i like the fucking outlet malls where i can spend $100 and get 4 pairs of designer converse chucks....i like $17 dollar martinis, that`s right, $17 martinis...i like getting confused for a celebrity...i like passing out in front of my open window on the 21st floor on the Mandalay Bay naked...i like meeting kato kalin and tone loc in the same night...i like reach arounds with strangers...i like shouting "i`m a prickly pear" when i double down and hit like i was the first one who ever thought of it....i like calling home at 3 in the morning....i like being recognized in the airport as that "guy" from the karaoke bar...i like fresh towels every morning and a breakfast buffet when i wake up at 7pm...i like losing at poker and still going shopping after...i like watching people show remorse the morning after they cheat on their spouses....i like sitting in the shower for an hour...i like the shitty piano bar in new york, new york and i like the fake chrysler building in the food court...i like getting punched in the face when i tell a guy from texas his wife looks like an old leather handbag...i like the time that transvestite walked across my chest in stilleto heels as i sang karaoke in the ellis island bar....i like the fact that B.@.D doesn`t mind i looked up his skirt...i like french kissing the sarah michelle gellar (buffy the vampire slayer) statue in madame tussauds wax museum....i like losing my blackberry....i like warm seafood for lunch and the intestinal trauma it causes 6 hours later....i like hearing my brother snore in the bed next to me...i like it when i wake up and there`s a stripper sitting on my face that my brother has paid for....i like jumping into the canal at the Venetian and being fished out by the security personnel...i like going directly back to my hotel room and not to jail when i tell them i`m from canada...i like that i`ve never locked myself out of my hotel naked in vegas....but most importantly,...i like leaving vegas.......



Album to take off to Vegas to and album to fly home from Vegas listening to.....

....And The Circus Leaves Town - Kyuss













Team Sleep - Team Sleep

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dylf I love your posts, but can you learn how to make a paragraph? My brain hurts...

Anonymous said...

Dylf = Grandpa Alec........

Anonymous said...

GP Dylf! BAD i am LOVIING the mother 3 exp, you sir are awesome

Anonymous said...

BAD - the things in the white suits are calld the 'pig mask army'

Anonymous said...

I have never heard of a single band that's EVERrrrr been posted on this site

Ozi-Style said...

Good post Dylf, you're making me itchy to go back to Vegas again... i think you successfully covered the most fun things in Vegas... although can i add 'watching your usually sedated younger sister pole dance with your husband's best friend in a short skirt after losing too many games of beer pong' to the list?

Dylf said...

...B.@.D. has never posted an album by a band, only albums by sexually ambiguous guys wearing expensive sunglasses and tight fitting clothes twiddling knobs....

Anonymous said...

Lol! Gp

Anonymous said...

awww i was hpoing for another M3 today!

Anonymous said...

Gp bad!

B.@.D said...

Dylf's right, they are not real albums - real albums come from german death metal bands who would shoot a hippie faggot in the back rather than listen to how they want to get married.

Anonymous said...

GP Bad and DYLF!!!

is there a site feed problem? i cant load it most days - but i can get it on my mobile.

B.@.D said...

you guys should have a blog-to-mobile service.

Dylf said...

"Dylf's right, they are not real albums - real albums come from german death metal bands who would shoot a hippie faggot in the back rather than listen to how they want to get married."

Read my comment again, I never said anything about the albmus being real or not, just said they weren't by bands....last i checked armin van burin wasn't the name of a band but what the fuck do i know, you're the smartest person on here.....and i didn't know you were engaged...tell kelly congrats.....

B.@.D said...

You said they weren't ALBUMS... I just went and defended the wrong aspect of your generalization, death metal...

Do you like my blog-to-mobile idea? Not like 'do you think we should actually do it' like it, but I think people would sign up to listen to our verbal jousting.

Anonymous said...

lol - thats what you meant. i'd sign up. lol

Anonymous said...

it'd be like twitter for douchebags!

Anonymous said...

Maybe everyone on here should tell a Vegas story.....

Anonymous said...

just read all the mother recaps, and i have to say im loving this.

Dylf said...

hahahahaha......twitter for douchbags....and you're spending your time reading it....hahahahah!!!!!

Anonymous said...

i think the average reader (or at least commenter) of this site is not all right bright. obviously Dylf and B.@.D are not actually mad at each other. does no one remember the parody post B.@.D did???

idiots.

Anonymous said...

Dylf, how do you feel about people using your guys' posts to comment on BAD's video game experience?

Anonymous said...

i LOVE LOVE LOVE the M3 posts... keep 'em coming!

Anonymous said...

hahahaha i like how much you hate Thomas for some reason

Dylf said...

....i'm not bothered by other people using my post to comment on B.@.D's weird video gamey thingy....i'm glad everyone is so feverent about it to comment....it's probably the same people who comment that they though "State of Trance-whatever" was way better than the previous one....it's good to know what you like and bless anyone who chooses to provide constructive feedback....or else it could just be B.@.D in his underwear sitting in his bedroom trying to pad his comment stats again....

Anonymous said...

you dont really do much for helping quash the negative connotations on the word 'gay'

B.@.D said...

Anonymous said...
"you dont really do much for helping quash the negative connotations on the word 'gay'"

I'm running around as a cowboy - and therefore am in character at the time. Much like how when I was playing as a child, I had child-like affection for the cow - it doesn't mean that I've suddenly turned to beastiality.

Anonymous said...

well-said. people take stuff too seriously.

Anonymous said...

i like the stuff from the kids point of view... its fun to listen to hahaha, maybe you'll meet a girl.

Anonymous said...

Hey Dylf... you're in the newest M3 post... heheheh... nice pic........... goes perfect with the quote.....

Anonymous said...

love the new post... i like how you said you weren't gonna lose and then the next thing is "winner: 3 alien bugs"

Anonymous said...

is it in Dylf's contract that you have to mention him once a post or something?

B.@.D said...

Just a verbal contract. You might call it an "oral" agreement......

Anonymous said...

Gross.

Anonymous said...

Traffics picking up after the M3 posts started.....

Dylf said...

increased traffic must be a sign that either the quality of the writing has improved or we are becoming more appealing to the unemployed......

Anonymous said...

I think it's the latter.

Anonymous said...

GP bad!!!

Anonymous said...

love the M3 posts!

Mizzle said...

I think B.@.D is just visiting the site more because he's watching for someone to burn him like I did on his facebook status.

Also, I'd like to point out how DYLF has set a NEW record for the amount of comments on his post. Don't try to take credit for this B.@.D. Today is DYLF's day, not yours.

B.@.D said...

THAT'S actually why I took the comments off the M3 posts - because I knew I couldn't compete with Dylf and I was tired of my comment count not coming in as high as his. I was ashamed to answer the question which is why I ignored it until now, but the guilt was eating me up inside.

PS: Mizzle didn't burn me on my Facebook status. He said Lost wasn't perfect, which is a statement that requires no response.

I fucking LOVE Lost.

That is all.

Anonymous said...

How much game time have you actually PUT into M3 so far? It seems like the recap doesn't cover all that much.

Anonymous said...

dont listen to them BAD - i love the M3 posts. Keep them coming.

Anonymous said...

BAD - WHAT is this M3 recap thing. Its easily the dumbest thing you've ever written. Mizzle may try to act too cool for school and Dylf may not be able to string a coherent sentance together, and your only writers that make any sense are the ones that barely... yknow, write.

But this M3 thing... have you asked yourself what exactly is your target audience? Even your own writers have abandoned you at this point. What the fuck are you doing?

Mizzle said...

B@D, I was talking about the abortion.

Someone watched the news today and learned about a "target market". Next week I hope they cover economics so you understand how much B@D gets paid for the quality of his posts, and the direct relationship to his income.

Maybe you should care what someone says about your writing B@D, you owe it to them for the cost of the registration to read your blog. They might have to just take their business elsewhere if this isn't what they were hoping for.

Dylf said...

......i "may" not be able to string togther a coherent sentance (sp)??? there is no "may" about it baby......i just can't fuckin' do it.........but i know how to spell the word sentence and use spellcheck.......sometimes.....

Mizzle said...

You know you're doing a great job when someone hates you. That means you're a big enough impact on their life that they have to go out of their way to insult you. It's kind of like getting a raise in the world of free blogging.

B.@.D said...

Well said gentlemen... my retort to this retard (oooh, good post title) is up on Monday.

B.@.D said...

Well said gentlemen... my retort to this retard (oooh, good post title) is up on Monday.

Anonymous said...

fuck that guy!!! i love the M3 posts!!!!!

i also like angry commenters because it's good material hahaha

Anonymous said...

LOVE the new M3 post BAD

Anonymous said...

51 comments!??! maybe you should enable comments BAD...

Dylf said...

....fuck that shit....these comments are mine bitches!!!!