M3: Day 6

Keeping both Dylf's comment count marginal and Mizzle away from intelligent shows like Lost since May 2010.

I fucking LOVE Lost.

So I made it back to the boss fight with no differences and no difficulty. Here we go again.

Chakotay .vs. 3 Alien Bugs - Round 2

So I did find some tactics - some "brute force" maneuvers that I didn't realize I had. No point going into explaining them really, it's actually kind of uninteresting. But it worked. Sort of. POWER SMASH TO YOUR FUCKING DOMES!!! They we're charging at me a lot, that kind of hurt - yet breathing fire on me did far less damage. Apparently cowboys are flame-retardant.

But they still had the numbers. I was putting up a better fight and actually had managed to get rid of one of them, but there was no way I was going to beat all three. Then I realized how I could heal myself...

Eating nut bread.

Yeah - no shit. I ate the nut bread that the other bugs dropped and it restored my health points. I also ate that disgusting looking cookie that villager #3756 to point me in the direction of the fire gave me. Once I had some health regained, I resumed killing bugs. It was war of attrition after that. A war of attrition which I won. I am a TOTAL FUCKING COWBOY HARDASS!!!

Winner: Chakotay

And they left me... you guessed it...
SO... next time you're getting your ass handed to you, remember: take a time out and have yourself some nut bread. You'll come back stronger than ever, able to shitkick whatever bugs happen to be shitkicking you.

Thank you for playing, alien bugs. I have no fucking idea how you beat me last time.

I found Fuel's house.
A bug then came to the window and chased the kid off. Hm, that doesn't look good. I sat down on that log to my left and ate some nut bread to think about how I would handle this. And, to regain some health points. *wipes mouth* All right, let's get this shit done.

It tells me I can't open the door, that I must 'ram' it. I know how to ram stuff!!! Sidenote - maybe Enzo could have learned how to 'ram' an inanimate object instead of a defenseless baby lizard? Eh, I know I'm beating it to death, but still. I'm just saying.
What the fuck is wrong with this thing?! It's eyes are red. And it flies! It is an abomination and I hate it. MY DOG LOCKE'S STICK TO YOUR FUCKING DOME, YOU FREAK!!! It's doing combo attacks, and is really fucking me up bad. I'm using my brute force and everything. This game is fucking HARD! I'm getting my ass kicked by fucking rodents and insects! They're flying, but that's beside the goddamn point. I eventually win by the skin of my teeth. That was good to go up a level, but that's a small reward for the damage I took. I need some fucking nut bread. Sloan was supposed to cook me steak tonight. A happy Chakotay that would make.

I go upstairs to grab Fuel, and shit looks grim.
A support beam is blocking my way to the kid, so I ram it. Something else that Enzo could have learned how to ram with... concentrate Chakotay, concentrate. The kid. In the fire. About to fall through the floor. Right. I grab the kid, and we cheese it out of the house right quick. As we do, the thing collapses around us and Fuel offers some mature thoughts on the matter.
Shut up, Fuel. Let's go find your absentee father.

I head back to where I left Thomas and Lighter, and they're gone.

I knew it. Lighter's anal cherry is so history.

FUEL: Huh? What happened to Daddy's cherry? I like cherries!
CHAKOTAY: No, that's not what I... shut up, kid.

This is one slow-burning fire. I waltz through the forest back to the village, covered in soot. I fight a couple more bugs and plants, and guess what?

Fuel ACTUALLY helped me fight. Not like Thomas or his dad Lighter. This little shit actually threw rocks at the enemies and managed to heal some of my hit points with 'moral support'. An impressed Chakotay that did make. The little latchkey kid is already 100% more useful than Thomas, Lighter, or anyone else I met in the village. I was even more impressed than I am with the monsters when they are considerate enough to leave me nut bread after I dish out my dog Locke's sticks to their fucking domes. Fuel asked for some of the nut bread though, so I had to tell him there was alcohol in it so he couldn't have any.

Fought a few more plants. Walked through fire again, whoops. Got some nut bread. That took a little but of time, so I think Im done for the night. When I get back, Ill return Fuel to his dad Lighter before I go home and call social services on the latter, then kick back for a beer.

All in a days work.

Have a good long weekend with your families! I know me and my family wi... oh God. Where are they?


Oh Fuck. That's right. The forest is still on fire.