I finish up in the hot springs, and me and Locke get ready to head out to rescue my family. Issac is back outside his house again, and he's telling me that it's gonna be great when we rescue Sloan. He then suggested I take some of the mushrooms he found in the forest in case I get hungry. Is he offering me drugs?
I tell him I can't get high because I have to go rescue Sloan and my kids. He suggested that maybe we could just get a LITTLE high... he seems to be a supporting character of some merit. Maybe getting high with him will make me hate him less. So we got a little high.
20 Minutes Later...
ISAAC: Man, so like if they send something by car, it's a shipment.
CHAKOTAY: ... but dude, if they send it by a ship, it's cargo! That's fucked up!
ISAAC: Ha ha ha.
CHAKOTAY: Ha ha... HA HA HA HA HA HA...
ISAAC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HOO HOO!!!
CHAKOTAY: HAHA... ha ha... heh...
ISAAC: Hah.
CHAKOTAY: Who are they, man?
ISAAC: Huh?
CHAKOTAY: You know, man. I mean who are 'THEY' and shit, you know?
ISAAC: Oh! Man, they control everything. They might be controlling you right now. They might be controlling me? I gotta stop myself...before it's too late!
CHAKOTAY: You ever notice how the Superfriends were always having to do something before it was too late and they only had 'one chance' to do it?
ISAAC: Do you think Thomas might be gay?
CHAKOTAY: SO fucking gay.
ISAAC: Dude, that's fucking blowing my mind right now... wait... SHIT!!! FUCK!!!
CHAKOTAY: What?!?! What the fuck is it?!?!
ISAAC: Aren't there aliens out here?!?!
CHAKOTAY: I'm scared of aliens!!!
ISAAC: Me too, man! You can't go out there! I think the aliens... are... like... 'THEM' and shit!
CHAKOTAY: But I have to save my family!!!
ISAAC: I saw your family!!!
CHAKOTAY: I know man, but you... didn't... like... DO... anything...
ISAAC: Hahaha... heh... haha.... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
CHAKOTAY: I have to go man... it's OK... I got my dog with me.
ISAAC: You can't take Locke with you! His fur is so soft! I need to hide in his fur!!!
CHAKOTAY: You said we we're just gonna get a little high - you're fucking tweaking bro. Just relax!
ISAAC: COME HERE SO I CAN HIDE IN YOUR FUR LOCKE!!!
CHAKOTAY: LOCKE!!! RUN!!!
That was fucked up. After I left, he was so scared / high that he hid under his table until 'it' was over.
I shake off the haze and head out to save my family.
More bats. MY DOG LOCKE'S STICK TO YOUR FUCKING DOMES!!! MY DOG BITES YOU!!! GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!! Heh, we're awesome. Chakotay even went up a level - sweet. Locke is awesome - he just stands there with a smile on his face, even when we're fighting bats to the death.
There's another new monster called the "baked Yammonster". What kind of name is that? Why is he baked? Did he just come from Isaac's cabin?
Wow, one blonde chick from the village ACTUALLY showed up to help look for my family - ha, just kidding. She showed up to chastize me for not bringing antidotes into the forest because there's "Mighty Bighty Snakes" everywhere. Apparently I can buy some from Isaac's house. Fuck that, I'm not going back there.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! SNAKES!!!!!!!!!! Fuck. I shouldn't have gotten high. I kick the living shit out of the snake, and THE SNAKE gives me an antidote. Isn't that thoughtful? He carries an antidote for his own venom. These are some mighty friendly monsters we've got around these parts.
Then TWO snakes attack me, and they make my heart stop momentarily when they poison my dog. I screamed 'YOU POISONED MY DOG!!!' before I murdered them with my stick. Then I used an antidote on Locke. Then I pet him for about 20 minutes and told him I loved him and how I don't tell him that enough and how I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to him and to NEVER let a snake poison him again because what if I didn't have any antidotes? What then? And that I love him so much and I'm sorry for that time that I told him to shut up because the game was on, I totally didn't mean it, I love him more than football, it's just that it was the Super Bowl and I'd had a hard day! I'm sorry! Never get poisoned again, okay?
Phew, I'm getting way too emotional about that. I shouldn't have gotten high.
I fight another high Yammonster, and he leaves me a new kind of food.
Ohhh, I get it. The baked Yammonster leaves me a baked yam! Food is becoming sentient and attacking people. It all makes sense now. Con SARN it, I shouldn't have gotten high.
There's really not much of substance going on right now, I'm just fighting yams and snakes and looking around the forest. As predicted, no one is fucking out here helping me. My puppy is going up levels. Isn't he awesome? He knows how to ram stuff too. I love how he's so helpful and can help me whoop ass but also has a sensetive side and likes to play.
I fucking LOVE puppies. I gave him a baked yam.
He fucking LOVES baked yams.
I am up by the remains of Lighter's house, and I see a mouse. I get ready to shitkick it, but he talks to me. Wait. IS he talking to me or am I just high? He says not to hurt him because the house he was living in secretly just burned down. Awww. I let him live, hallucination or otherwise.
Okay, so I'm sort of lost now. Lighter's rubble is a dead end. I shouldn't have gotten high. Anyways, I wasn't sure what to do, so I decided to eat some nut bread with Locke.
I then ran into a guy named "Reggie".
Some of the people that did show up to help have some very helpful observations.
Well, the fire was less than an hour ago. Plus there's a lot of baked yams and yammonsters out here. Speaking of which, I've stocked up like 9 baked yams so far. That can't be convenient to transport.
It didn't give me the option to fight this guy. Lucky for him.
You didn't see what he did to the Drago's, lady.
I started figuring out how to sneak up on the snakes, so I can attack them before they attack me. Actually, I'm starting to get very adept at killing snakes. It's like Whacking Day 2.0 out here right now.
It's the untasty cookie guy! He's... still quite unhelpful.
Some people seem unsettled that a tree has been snapped in half.
Or, maybe... the fire..? Or... a saw? I don't know. Just saying. Not trying to be a dick. Just saying.
Maybe you're right. Maybe it was the evil yams before I had the chance to beat the fuck out of them, thus turning them back into tasty food.
Lighter, Fuel and Isaac are back. Still no Thomas - awesome.
Yeah, of course we did. HAHAHAHA, just kidding. We've been too busy speculating about what could have killed a random tree right after a forest fire.
People seem concerned that Lighter isn't resting after his house burned down and he was raped. Allegedly.
They then start pushing on the downed tree, which is apparently blocking my path to Sloan's Father's house. They tell me to go on ahead.
They're... being helpful.
There's no way this is actually happening. I shouldn't have gotten high.
I'm not sure how to react to this strange turn of events. So I'm stopping for now. I still need to have dinner, and I have a strange craving for a baked yam.
I fucking LOVE baked yams.
B.@.D