And The Reality Show Is...

So based on the comments of my last post, people really like this reality TV idea. I kind of like it too - not reality TV - the idea of recapping something with a definitive end date. This is also something that I don't actually have to DO (just watch). And it's guaranteed to be stupid.

So I went to and found what the most popular reality TV shows currently on are. I came up with 10. Survivor, Big Brother, The Amazing Race, The Bachelorette, and others. I put up a poll and people started voting.

Big Brother WAS winning the poll, with The Bachelorette running second place. I then realized that Big Brother airs 3 nights a week. That's not going to fucking happen. So then I actually started looking up some of these other shows... I had never seen any of them, ever, except for the first couple seasons of Survivor. I have no patience for reality TV, which is why this should be entertaining.

Then I came across the newest season of The Bachelorette...

Her name is Ali Fedotowsky - a girl whose last name I will not be typing a lot.

Apparently on some previous season of The Bachelor, she had met the man of her dreams. His name was Jake. They spent weeks falling in love. It was wonderful, it was magical, it was public, it was LOVE. What happened then? She had to 'return to work'. She fucked off.

Now she's back, months later, to do The Bachelorette... but instead of dating the man of her dreams who she didn't have enough time for, she is now dating 25 different men whom she somehow seems to have found time for despite still having a job.

Do you get it? Me neither. So I went looking for an explanation. What I found did not make me any less confused at all.

Regarding why she had to leave the previous show to return to work, she explained that she hadn't read her leave of absence paperwork correctly. Apparently she hadn't been with her current employer - rumored to be Facebook - long enough to qualify for a personal leave after she used up all of her vacation time. Fuckin' A. This one thinks ahead.

She also seems surprised that Jake let her go 'so easily'. I'm not all that familiar with the details of tihe show, but what the fuck was he supposed to do, exactly? Run after you? No, she says she thought that if he really loved her, that he would fly to come get her because "he's a pilot"...

... so he wasn't supposed to run after her, he was supposed to FLY after her. As we all know, pilots have no commitments whatsoever and can fly anywhere they want, whenever they feel like it, using whatever plane they can get their hands on.

I already can't stand her. This should be a lot of fun.

In reality, I can't really see how a show like this would work in terms of finding your soulmate. So let's just take a look at how the couples from the first 13 seasons ended up according to Wikipedia.

The Bachelor
Season 1: They broke up after several months.
Season 2: They broke up after several months.
Season 3: They broke up after several months but remained friends.
Season 4: He gave her a promise ring... and they broke up after several months.
Season 5: They continued to date... and broke up several months later.
Season 6: They lasted 5 years... but they broke up too.
Season 7: They broke up in September 2007... but got back together in 2008! Don't get your hopes up, they broke up again this year.
Season 8: They broke up after seveal months.
Season 9: They broke up in January 2007.
Season 10: They called off their engagement one month after the finale, but continued their relationship... then broke up in 2007.
Season 11: Buddy kicked BOTH girls to the curb in the finale. Interesting.
Season 12: They broke up in July 2008.
Season 13: They broke up in... HOLY FUCK!!! This one actually made it - well sort of, he called off the engagement with his first choice, but resumed a relationship with the runner-up. They were married in 2010.
Season 14: Holy fuck! This one made it too. With his ACTUAL CHOICE. They are currently engaged. Don't get your hopes up, it's pretty recent.

The Bachelorette
Season 1: So there WE'RE a FEW successes, if not many. They got engaged, married, and have 2 kids.
Season 2: They ended their relationship in 2005.
Season 3: She rejected his proposal.
Season 4: The broke up in 2008.
Season 5: He proposed, she accepted. They're currently engaged. Hopes up. Recent. You know the drill.

So FOUR out of 19 couples have made it. So far. But a few of those that did are pretty recent and likely won't last.

Why would anyone want to do this?!?! People ACTUALLY sign onto tihs thing looking for their life partner?! Signing up for this is basically signing up to be Larry fucking King.

This show fucking rules!!! Fuck the poll. I'm doing this. The Bachelorette Season 6 it is!

I don't even know exactly how the process of this show works. All I know is she dresses all the men up in tuxes, puts them all in a room together which would not at all be awkward or uncomfortable, then she eliminates people somehow with roses. Or lack of roses. Or something. Something to do with roses. Symbolism? Metaphor? Herbivore? I don't know. It sounds fucking dumb.

I'm 3 eps behind - I will download them, do them, and get caught up poste haste. I'm looking perversely forward to this, in a self-loathing and foreboding-sense-of-dread kind of way.



Anonymous said...

YES. Can't wait.

Anonymous said...

i like this show. so i have a feeling i wont like the recaps......

Dylf said...

....perfect, not only are you encouraging our fanbase to sit on the couch and get fat watching shit televison, your choice ensures that, in my effort to stay caught up with your oh-so-engaging recaps i will be littering my living room floor with "happy tissues".....bravo....

Anonymous said...

Sorry, should I stear them towards an amount of liquor that would make any normal man legally blind instead?

Anonymous said...

Don't listen to him!!! the recaps rock.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

damn - i was really hoping to drive you mad with 3 eps of BB a week. why did someone have to tell him that?!?!

Anonymous said...

i cant wait for him to see how shitty the bachelorette is.

Anonymous said...

GP - lookin forward to it

Ozi-Style said...

I for one would love to watch the Bachelorette, however it's not showing in Australia yet... the only season i did get to watch was the first, with Trista and Ryan... ahhh love...

Yes i am 100% serious - see previous posts - i LOVE reality tv

Anonymous said...

The Bachelor(ette) is staged. It is also terrible.

Which means this should be TREMENDOUS

Anonymous said...

Lookin forward to it!

Dylf said...

stear.....i love it you buffoon....i think you mean steer.....

Anonymous said...

DAMMIT!!! You're right. I googled it.

Jaderberri said...

you googled what? how to spell steer??

Lea said...

haha wow I didn't see this coming! Heath and I watch *ahem...every season. Pathetic, but I LOVE IT!

You know how hearing impaired people sound? Well, I think Casey sounds deaf. I also think he'd be wise to cut the "guard and protect your heart" crap and start seriously protecting his voice box instead. is this tattooed Kermit still there?