Introductions and Stuff

Welcome. For those who don't know me, I'm a small town girl, trying to make it in the big city. Which for me is kinda hard to do with a social phobia brought about by or directly in relation to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

Let me start by telling y'all a little about where I come from. I'm from Newfoundland. Even better than actually being from Newfoundland, I'm from an island off the Northeast coast of Newfoundland. I'm literally from "The Rock". If you haven't had the pleasure of visiting Newfoundland, make it one of your go to places of any season (well maybe not in winter unless your a masochist), go, get screeched in, learn some of the local customs and language. Vacation in a foreign country right here in Canada.

I'm currently living and working in Calgary. I have been here for three years. Which is like a foreign country compared to where I come from, I'm talking a place of about 400 people to a city of almost a million. Which probably contributes to the social phobias, anthropologists might even call it culture shock. I would like to think that's actually why I am the way I am, it would be an easy explanation. But if there is one thing I've learned in 34 years, its that nothing is easy.

Two events from my childhood contributed to both the social phobia and the OCD (and I'm pretty sure a Psychologist would say Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and depression). The first being sexual abuse by someone I trusted, the second, being held up at a local convenience store I was working in.

Let me tell you a little about Social Phobias and OCD. Crowds scare me, the thought of being surrounded by a throng of people I don't know is the cause of many a sleepless night and panic attack. The thought of meeting new people is even worse, if that's possible, so I don't date and avoid going places where I don't know anyone (which if you have been keeping track means I don't go anywhere because I'm still fairly new in town. My OCD is somewhat different than the traditional definition of OCD, I don't have to tap things three times, or wash my hands 100 times a day, but I do have obsessive negative thoughts which also contribute to the social phobia. Can you imagine being in a crowded food court at the local mall with this thought running through your head incessantly "Your not good enough, hes looking at you because your fat and ugly and he has never seen anything so disgusting in his life". Now you know why I prefer to stay at home.

So here is what we are going to do. Each week I am going to challenge myself to do something that scares the shite out of me and report back here the results, good or bad. This weeks challenge will consist of the following: I will go to the food court of Marlborough Mall alone and have a coffee and attempt to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger.

As the profile picture suggests having a social phobia and OCD is akin to being in jail, only there are no walls and bars keeping me confined, its my brain. And as the Moniker suggests, I'm in need of a serious Bailout. Please join me on the journey from darkness into light... In Search Of Sunrise.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like it! And I look forward to reading it.

Anonymous said...

GP Bailout. Welcome aboard :)

Anonymous said...

No longer forward nor behind
I look in hope and fear;
But grateful take the good I find,
The best of now and here.
John G. Whittier

B.@.D said...

Welcome aboard my friend. I look forward to reading how it goes.

Jaderberri said...

I think it's great that you are going to try to challenge yourself and step outside of your comfort zone, and I am glad your are going to share it with us too! You are very brave; I don't have a social phobia, but I would have a really hard time striking up a conversation with someone at the food court at a mall. I think it would be a success even if you just had the coffee =) Good luck!

Dylf said...

Good luck Bailout. I have a social phobia that revolves around my pants on the ground....

Anonymous said...

GP Bailout!

this is a good addition to the cast

Anonymous said...

gp bail

Anonymous said...

something different and inspiring to read! im all for it.

Anonymous said...

gp - welcome!

Anonymous said...

go bailout! i look forward to reading it

good addition BAD

Anonymous said...

gp and good luck!

Anonymous said...

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Anonymous said...

i liked it! glad to see there are no negative comments - i thought with this audience some people might have some. but at least if they do they're keeping them to themselves. maybe this is a more evolved crowd than i thought....

B.@.D said...

Dylf said...
Good luck Bailout. I have a social phobia that revolves around my pants on the ground....


I think you're confusing 'phobia' with 'uncontrollable and unrelenting fetish obsession'.

Dylf said...

....oh no B.@.D....it's a phobia, but what i didn't mention is that it involves you sneaking up behind me when said pants are down......fruit.....

B.@.D said...

... and now I have a phobia. That's great.

Anonymous said...

lol GP Bailout. Hope these retards dont make it worse hahaha

Anonymous said...

gp bailout, and good for you, and good for BAD for giving you a place to record it for us!