I have asked myself this question many times over the past week or so. Why does having a simple profile picture matter? Its not like its a state secret. People see me all the time. Yet posting a picture on my Facebook profile filled me with such anxiety you wouldn't know about I was about to jump off a cliff. Thinking back jumping off a cliff would have produced less anxiety I think. Funny how the mind works. What causes me anxiety would make someone else roll their eyes and shrug their shoulders.
For me, well I think the answer is simple. I just don't like looking at myself. And when you set your profile picture well you have no other choice than to look at yourself every single time you log into Facebook. Now there is a reason for this, a few years ago I decided to join an online dating site, you know meet new people get out more. Lets just say the only people I came in to contact with fell into two categories sleazy and sleazier! The very first person I encountered sent me a really long message detailing all the lurid things he would do when we went on our "date", while the second seemed to take some sick pleasure in describing in detail exactly why and how he found me repulsive. Now I don't think I'm a prude but that first guy made my skin crawl, there is a time and place for everything and I think he should have at least had the good grace to meet me first. And the second well I don't think I have words for that one. But both experiences left me feeling like something was missing. What kind of message does this send to young girls? Your either a sex object or disgusting. Any wonder there are so many incidents of eating disorders and suicide amongst our teenage population? But I digress.
So picture is loaded on Facebook finally, even if I do cringe every time I log in, which means for the past week I haven't been online a lot, good way to break the Facebook addition I think. I don't know how long I can stand to have it there to be honest, its like looking in the mirror, only I'm on Facebook more than I sit in front of a mirror. I don't believe I will ever have confidence when it comes to my appearance, some part of me will always be critical in that area, but it was my hope this experiment would make me less critical. By being forced to look at myself every time I logged into Facebook, I had hoped that I would see something that I liked about my appearance. The good news is I decided I do like the red dress, and my hair wasn't all that bad at the time. I guess more will come with time. Eventually. Hopefully. Maybe even some day I wont cringe whenever I walk past a mirror ha!
Well that's last weeks challenge over and done with. This upcoming week I'm going to dabble in Karaoke. Stay tuned!