Reading the Twilight Saga Results in Divorce

Recently I decided to move back home with my parents. Although I have to admit I felt a little bit ashamed at the idea of moving back at the age of 25, I ultimately decided it was the best thing for me to do right now. The problem is that I have been in a serious relationship the past 4 years and living with my boyfriend. You can imagine how it went over when I told him I was moving out after all this time. So far, we have still been trying to see each other in a relationship even though there are a lot of confused and hurt feelings on both ends.




My boyfriend's friend, JS, is a born again Christian. He is getting married for the 3rd time at the end of December this year. He is currently unemployed and his house has been foreclosed, but he cannot move in with his fiance until after they are married for religious reasons. When he found out I was no longer living with BF he asked if he could stay there for the next month and a half. My BF has a heart of gold, so he said yes.




I was over there yesterday, and BF was telling me how JS has a theory on why I moved out. I imagine the conversation went something like this:


JS- Jaderberri read and liked those Twilight books right?


BF- Yea, she is into that kind of thing.


JS- I have 3 other friends who were married or in serious relationships and broke up, and all of their wives read those books too.


BF- ..... so?


JS- So I am telling you man, there is something going on with these books.


BF- What do you mean?


JS- What are the chances that all these people broke up and all the women read the books?


BF- Yea, I'm not sure that has anything to do with it....




What are the chances? Well I would say pretty good. If not Twilight then at least one of the vampire type books anyway.




I wonder how many women read those books and didn't end a relationship. The idea of this is just so incredibly ridiculous to me, especially when one considers how many marriages end in divorce, how many people read fantasy/horror novels, etcetera anyways! And a little but insulting that he ACTUALLY thinks that my reading some stupid book about a vampire who glows in the sun falling in love with a clumsy teenaged girl could somehow subconsciously influence me to move out and leave my BF of 4 years to fend for himself. Like it couldn't have anything to do with the fact that he has 2 kids under the age of 7 with two different women, cannot get a driver's license, has not been able to keep a job for more than a few months at a time since we have been together (he is in construction), and has major debt problems that I really am not seeing the end of any time soon... No, that has nothing to do with it. It MUST be because I read the Twilight Books. It is so obvious there is a correlation going on here guys.




So Beware: before you or your wife reads Twilight be advised, it may result in divorce.

15 comments:

B.@.D said...

Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge. I bet all those people that read the Twilight books got sick at some point too. And how do we know they won't die someday?

That's fucking awesome. I wish I had been there for that conversation. That being said though, I am convinced The Bachelorette took at least 5 years off my life.

Anonymous said...

GP Jaderberri

Anonymous said...

YOU MOVED OUT OF DYLF'S HOUSE?!?!?

Dylf said...

all of her pictures are still up over here.....

Anonymous said...

gp jaderberri! sorry to hear about the moving out :(

Anonymous said...

gp - lol dylf

Anonymous said...

happy rememberance day readers!

gp jaderberri - chin up

Anonymous said...

gp

Anonymous said...

GP Jader!

Anonymous said...

i hope you and your BF work things out. GP :)

Anonymous said...

everything will work itself out

support hug :)

Anonymous said...

i just cant believe she'd abandon Dylf like that.

Ozi-Style said...

Jader that is such a male thing to say... that guy has probably had some girls who have used lame excuses to get away from him in the past ;)

On the other hand... if Edward came knocking on my door ;)

Anonymous said...

chin up jaderberri!!!!

Anonymous said...

gp