The Country's Best Yogurt

Anonymous said...
oh my. our b.a.d must been in a bad mood when they wrote this.

And, if possible, the comment board just came to an even louder screeching halt.

What the gay was the point of this, anyway?


So time is starting to heal the crippling emotional wound of losing Dylf at work. I must say that lashing out at him in "The Fall Of The Comment Board" certainly helped. Because there's still a bit of blood loss and infection, today I am going to provide a list of the things I found whilst cleaning out his desk (that I wasted no time moving into). For the record, I am not passing judgement on the things that I found, I am simply providing a list. And believe it or not, the numbers are not exaggerated.

- THIRTY-TWO highlighters (all found in different places throughout the desk.)
- FIFTY-EIGHT crappy pens (all found in different places throughout the desk, 80% of them defunct.)
- ONE NICE pen (which I thought was pretty sweet, then I realized IT was defunct too.)

- a "Credit Certification" Degree (this I was happy to find, as I sharpied out his name and wrote mine.)
- a notebook where he took notes throughout various meetings, which is filled with useful tidbits like ('TCB = Taking Care Of Business' and 'TCBY = The Country's Best Yogurt'.)
- a SHARPENED razor blade

- a travel jar of marmalade (no knife, nothing to spread it on - just marmalade.)
- TOILET PAPER (not QUITE a full roll, but close.)
- hand sanitizer (toilet paper + hand sanitizer + marmalade = ???)

- NO giant elastic ball, which I SPECIFICALLY asked for. (Seriously, this thing is the size of the Rock Of Gibraltar. I don't even know how he would have gotten it out the door.)
- ZERO pictures of his wife (which I also SPECIFICALLY asked for, but I've printed some pictures off of Facebook and framed them so this is really less of a problem than one might think.)

Anyway, there you go. Had I known what I was walking into beforehand, I would have gotten a toxic radiation suit and all my vaccination boosters beforehand.


Before I go - I've seen writers on other sites (shit, I’ve seen writers MY OLD site do it) posting up their Amazon wishlists. Hell, most of the time they get what they ask for.

So, before any of my own writers beat me to the punch, here’s my Amazon wishlist:

Dear Amazon. I want a house.

Snap to it.


Yeah, fuck Dylf. I hope his liver fails soon.

B.@.D

22 comments:

Dylf said...

hahahahahaha....fyi, retro has the elastic band ball as he expressed a keen interest in it and chances are he might be a better business contact in the future than you so i wanted to keep him happy.....be wary of the marmalade, its been in my desk since December and i only cracked it open one month end at around 9pm when i was about to go into starvation mode (i ate it with my finger).....
as for my liver, no worries about that....as the movie trailer for the upcoming Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker jem "Repo Men" indicates, i'll be able to get a synthetic one in the future for a mere $756000.......

Anonymous said...

hahahaha
i cant tell if i'd rather have a beer with dylf, or whether id be scared out of my ever lovin mind

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA i love the house thing

Jaderberri said...

I learned something today. I always wondered what TCBY stood for, now I know. Thanks B@D

Anonymous said...

I didn't know until Dylf educated me through the hyroglyphics and scribbles in his little journal, so thank him!

By the way Dylf, I was FAR more than "leary" about the marmalade. I wouldn't even put it in MY garbage can. I put it in Paul's.

Ha!

Anonymous said...

hahaha GP bad

Anonymous said...

hahahaha i noticed the grammar of that comment and wanted to say something - but i just had this feeling that if i didnt, someone else would.......

Anonymous said...

heh heh

B-Rush said...

Nice B.@.D., I can't say I've ever found anything good in ANY desk I've taken over.

Dylf - if you're looking forward to Repo Men, check out the original - "Repo! the Genetic Opera". I've got mixed feelings with RepoMen, seems cool enough, but REPO! did it first.

Anonymous said...

"RB" = raging bonor = from last posts comments = my suggestion for "GP"

Anonymous said...

um... what?

Anonymous said...

i like it... RB!

Anonymous said...

RAGING BONOR BAD!

The Prince said...

Test..

The Prince said...

OK..so its working...wasnt allowing me to post comments..

B@D..did you make an inventory of what you found a few years back at Goldens desk...and whats up with this hobby (fetish?) of emptying peoples desks out?



btw....vacation and this work trip have really decreased boredom hours to post...but im sure eternity at my cubicle starting this monday should fix that..FML

Anonymous said...

FML?

Anonymous said...

Hahaha yeah I wabnt another "ethics" post from Prince

Anonymous said...

GP, at the risk of having my grammar mocked, despite lack of a weekend post...

Mizzle said...

Fuck My Life

Anonymous said...

whats wrong miz?????

Anonymous said...

GP bad! I like the responses to comments haha - although I know that will likely land me a spot in a post... I'm double checking the grammar hahaha

Mizzle said...

No no no, someone asked what's FML and I answered. haha. I'm doing very well, thanks for asking ;)