M3: Day 4

Fireman racing through the forest. He goes and knocks on a door, and calls for Chakotay. That's my Dad! AND THERE'S MY PUPPY LOCKE!!! He tells Dad that the forrest is on fire, a 'huge, firing, flaming, foresty fire'. Well, it sure SOUNDS serious.

My Dad looks badass. Oh, now I'm PLAYING as the Dad. I'm Chakotay! Allright then.

The fireman's name is Thomas. Gay. He says that times like this call for a 'reckless nice guy' like me. Heh. I'm a TOTAL FUCKING COWBOY HARDASS. Thomas says he'll join me, because he 'likes following behind people'. Uh, okay. Don't touch me. Fag. I'll kill you. I mean it. And a fireman and a cowboy with an indian name? 'Village People' anyone?

I go to talk to Locke, because when the forest that your family is supposed to be traversing through is on fire, you want to get your dog's take on things. There is a stick inside his doghouse. I take it, and Thomas tells me it will make a good weapon in case something happens.

What, are there no guns around? I'm a fucking cowboy! Not even a shovel? I'm REALLY going in there equipped with a fucking stick? Literally - Thomas tells me to 'equip' the stick. He then says:

You're really eating up a lot of valuable firefighting time with useless analogies, Thomas. Queer. And everyone knows caramel is useful - because it is delicious. Little bitch.

Then I talk to a frog to save my game. Then I do what everyone does when there's a fire - talk to every person in sight about it.

A villager says that if the forest catches on fire that my family will be stuck up there. Uh... isn't the forest already on fire? Couple other people tell me that it is, which is real helpful. No one besides Thomas actually wants to fucking help, but they all got no problem pointing ME in the direction of the fuckin' thing. And I'm pretty sure Thomas is coming along to stare at my sexy cowboy ass, if his earlier comment was any indication. Fuckin' fruitcake.

Some fatass lady says I should take 'whatever Thomas says with a grain of salt.'

There is a guy named Mapson... that gives me a map. All right, I'm heading north - can't leave the family up there with Grandpa Alec.

What the fuck? ol' Lighter and li'l Fuel? Are those people? That's like naming your kid Lamp.

Then I go into some kind of church, and there's a guy praying that all the people will be all right inside the forest. I go to pray, and they ask for the name of the person playing the game... I give my name. I input B.a.D, because this game isn't current enough to have the @ symbol, despite being produced only 4 years ago.

I'm now in the forest, and it's smokey. Y'know, because of the fire. I then come upon another villager who refers to himself as being as manly as I am, and instead of assisting me, he offers me:

Hey, thanks a lot for the GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!

Then a bat attacked me. Thomas was no fucking help at all, as seen here:

Dude, it's a BAT. Fuckin' banana crammer. So it was up to me. MY DOG'S STICK TO YOUR FUCKING DOME, Mr. Batty. A few of those and he 'becomes tame'. I am a TOTAL FUCKING COWBOY HARDASS!!! Another bat attacks me, Thomas is once again about as useful as cock-flavored lollipop. (Dodgeball was funny.)

Someone then is pounding on a door looking for 'Issac'... I take this opportunity to take a bracelet left in a present beside his house. Hey, if he didn't want it stolen, he maybe should have kept the present INSIDE the house.

I then relaxed in the hot springs. Yeah, no shit - I ran into a hot springs, and even though the forest was on fire, I went in, clothes and all. Hey, It rejuvinated my health points, which I lost fighting fucking bats, by myself I might add, so get off my ass. Only thing that sucked was Thomas followed me in, but kept trying to be all gay and shit - he's such a big smelly gay - plus the forest was on fire, so we didn't stay in long.

Yet another villager telling me that 'Lighter' and 'Fuel' are still missing. Well why the fuck am I the one that has to go in for them, why does everyone stand around waiting for me to do it, pointing me in the direction of the forest like I can't see it? It's a fucking forest people!

And by the way - is Thomas our only firefighter? Because if he is, we are epic fucked.

And what the fuck is with those names? `Lighter`and `Fuel`? Is that a metaphor? Last time someone told me I'd be meeting 'the Drago's', it ended up being fucking dragons which I then had to abuse. Am I going to rescue a no-shit lighter and fuel? And if I am, it seems to me that the forest is the last place these guys should be hanging out. Especially whoever 'Lighter' is. Also, what about my family? Did they take a backseat to these guys with dumbfuck names?

I have to fight more bats, and Thomas once again is no help. It actually mentioned that instead of helping, he was wiping sweat from his brow. I want to give him a cock punch. But there was no time, so I hand out more dog sticks to their fucking domes until they become tame.

I just found out walking though fire takes down my health.

Shit, that's one of the things that set the forrest on fire! YOU AND YOUR RANDOM ACTS OF PERPLEXING FOREST VIOLENCE ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!!!

He opens that box, some bugs fly out, and away, and then he runs off through the fire. Hm. Someone should tell him that running through fire reduces his health. I wish somone would have told me!

And I'm spent. More soon.

I sure hope I rescue Lighter and Fuel, because from talking to the villagers, they're apparently a lot more important than my family. I guess from their point of view, my wife and kids are safe with Grandpa Alec, in a confined space. So, as long as he`s not a twisted fuck...

... oh shit.

B.@.DMore compelling storyline RANDOM ACTS OF FOREST VIOLENCE.