Honkey Tonk Donkey Punch


So anyone who has been following the BLAH-g for awhile knows that I found new daytime employment recently (I still get naked as fuck for money at nights).  I don't think I can emphasize enough how much happier I am with my new employer and how satsifying it is not having to see B.@.D. everyday...not having to correct him...not having to show him how to do things...not having to convince him not to kill himself...Of course, the same goes for The Prince but to an infinitely lesser extent.  Seriously though, even though I am super content, I miss some of those fucking guys;

Ronnie Vegas - he clearly had an anger management issue and was my direct boss.  Around 2 years ago he quit dying his hair orange (yes, orange....like the color of The Prince's font) and cut it into a brush cut kinda like Michael Douglas in Falling Down.  He would always call me right before I was leaving for lunch and drone on and on forever about this fuckin' idiot and that fuckin' idiot and I knew for a fact he was just sitting under his gun rack in his basement office in his underwear eatin' Cheezies and ham sandwiches.

Honkey Tonk - Honky Tonk was Ronnie Vegas' direct boss although he is/was (when he overdoses we can refer to him in the past tense) at least 20 years younger than RV.  Honkey didn't work there when me and B.@.D. started he was promoted in from out east later on.  We think he may have a substance abuse problem and from what I hear from the "bossman" the Honk doesn't even bother coming in on Thursdays now, not just Fridays after the happy hour at his local gaybar.  Rumour has it the Honk got his position after receiving a Donkey Punch from one of the company VP's.  His left eye still twitches every time he wipes his nose.....his breath smells of sardines and failure...

Smokey - Ohhhhh I miss Smokey.  So young and good looking, positive and upbeat.  Smokey is still a believer in the big corporate wheel and hasn't become jaded like B.@.DProbably one of the hardest working guys I ever worked with and I would hire him over the "bossman" in a heartbeat if I had the chance.  And get this ladies.....he used to be a professional dancer.....giggidy....

Sugar Bear - The Sug is the Honk's direct boss.  The Sug was doing Honk's job before Honk came in to replace the Sug, so the Sug became the Big Boss Man and Honk became mini-Sug.  The Sug is a good dude and is smart as fuck but towards the end of my tenure at the company it was if he knew he was shooting blanks from his Colt 45.  You know the look, like when the Alpha Male Silver Back sees the Beta Male move in and shit all over all of the landscape that the Alpha had cleared and cultivated.  And then he has to watch the Beta roll in that shit (of course only Mon-Wed these days) and watch the Beta try to sell that shit to the clients, to Smokey to B.@.D. and all of the other sorry motherfuckers still there.  When myself, Smokey and B.@.D. started, all we wanted to do was share with Sugar Bear....now all anybody wants to do is steal his Sugar Golden Crisps before the smell of feces permeates them...

Gooch - Gooch has dotted line responsibility to the Honk and the Sug I think but I'm not really sure.  What I am sure of is that you don't fucking poke the Gooch.  This guy isn't just ready to climb the clocktower, he's been camping up there since 2007 with his Remington 700 VS Sinper Rifle waiting for someone to stick their head out of their hole a la Chevy Chase in Caddyshack.  We all love/loved Gooch because he didn't pull any punches and tells everyone what he thinks about them.  Even as I write I find myself jumping back and forth from present to past tense because for all I know he could have already gone Branch Davidian and fucked that shit up....

When I look at it that way....I don't really miss those fucking guys....and I definately don't miss this fuckin' guy;

17 comments:

B.@.D said...

Uh... isn't this obselete after yesterday?

Anonymous said...

gp DYLF!!!

Kelann said...

Ahahahhahahahahaha....

I almost don't want to admit to knowing the guy in that photo :oP

Dylf said...

....I've never had a more timely post actually....

Anonymous said...

hahahaha GP Dylf

Anonymous said...

always gold Dylf. stay gold pony boy.

B.@.D said...

So I'm guessing that's the new photo on the back of your wife's head?

Holy fuck!!! Where did you even get that fucking photo? That's old-school shit man. I like my LP skully the best.

It warms me and worries me at the same time that you'd surf back FIVE YEARS into my Facebook photos for that.

Anonymous said...

THAT'S B.@.D in that photo!??!?!

Anonymous said...

theres no way that's b@D

Anonymous said...

gp!

Anonymous said...

oh yeah, tahts him.

TERRIBLE picture. i do like the white pants though.

Anonymous said...

WOW thats really gay. i love it hahaha, clearly some kind of a joke

Anonymous said...

how many mojitos have you drank in that picture?

Anonymous said...

he looks like he was drinkin 40's at this point!!!!

Ozi-Style said...

LoL those pants are kinda gay... :P

Kelann said...

40s? Nah thats just B.@.D after Frank broke Ali's heart on the Bachelorette...

He's a feeler...

:o)

Anonymous said...

Dylf that post was epic BEFORE the picture. so you can imagine how i feel about it after the picture.