Those Horny Filipinos....

Over the years I've had a number of relationships.  I've had girlfriends, wives, friends with benefits, casual encouters and the odd random encounter in well wooded areas.....anyways.  I'm not the most well travelled cosmonaut of the pleasuredome, but I am far from an inexperienced pirate preparing to board his first ship in search of booty.  Until recently I had thought of myself as a bit of a magnet for the British ladies.  Three cases in point;

1)I had dated a Brit after my first marriage broke up and was very fond of her but I was really a mess at that time and in no way prepared for the type of commitment she was looking for. She thought I was an alcoholic.  I can still hear her telling me that she's"arriving"....

2)When I was living in Vancouver I had dated a young British nanny right up until she told me the story about how she was very popular with the soldier boys when she was living over in Germany.  Something about getting smuggled into the barracks one night and doing her best impersonation of a pin-cushion prompted me to go directly to the local clinic to get me's a clean bill of health.  I also lost her phone # promptly.

3)I moved back to Calgary I was recounting this story to some of my chums at the local bar at about 4pm in the afternoon and I was going on about how I seem to have a strong gravitational pull on the Brtis.  At that very moment a tall blonde who was sitting at the bar stumbled by and greeted us with "Ello, ello, ello....."  I mentioned to her that her accent reminded me of a girl I once knew from Yorkshire to which she responded by grabbing her crotch and saying "I'll be your Yorkshire Puddin' tonite guvnar"  She passed out at the bar about 30 minutes late which is probably a good thing but it cemented in me the belief that I am an easy target for someone with a British accent.

Now recent events have made it apparent to me that there has been some type of tidal shift in the focus of ethnicity that is diggin' my shit.  Those horny Filipinos.......

I've got 3 examples and I'll let you be the judge:

1) Refer back to my Season 1 post "I Got Hit On By A Homosexual....Again...."  That guy was Filipino....and I drank the drinks he bought for me.

2) A week ago I was travelling visiting clients and found myself in Drumheller at about 10am with an empty coffee cup and bladder full of coffee.  I pull over at the first Mac's convenience store I see (because there ain't a fuckin' chance there is a Starbucks in Drumheller and I kind of like Seattle's Best that they serve at Mac's) and use the facilities and get myself another cup of coffee because it's going to be a long day behind the wheel.  The girl behind the counter is young and kind of attractive.  She's Filipino and I can kind of tell by the way she is made up and the way she notices me and my fancy suit that she has aspirations of getting the fuck out of Drumheller.  I approach the counter and put down my coffee cup and smile and she smiles.  She asks me if it is just the coffee today or if I need any cigarettes or lottery.  Maybe it's the heavy handedness of the rural "smokes and lottery" upsell or the gargantuan rack of porn behind her but I find this funny as hell.  To digress for a moment, this rack of porn is HUGE, it's not the typical single rack-4 deep style that you usually see, this thing is 5 racks wide and 4 deep!  So I can't say if it was a fraudian slip or if I was just being a smart-ass, but I respond to her that I don't need any cigarettes or pornography today.  She kind of smirks and says ok and then she stops and asks me "Did you just make that up? or....I said lottery..."  I turn a little red because she caught me and I stutter..."Oh y..yeah...I was just trying to make a joke....sorry".  She drops her eyes to the $1.50 I'm pushing across the counter and says in her accent as her eyes dart up to mine to make eye contact, "cause pornography is okay sometimes too you know?"................................................guh?

3) A photo from a recent stagette I performed at;

It's gotta be all in my head right? 

I'll be in B.@.D.'s trailer........

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

muahahahahhaha delicious

Anonymous said...

gP DYLF!

Anonymous said...

gp!

Anonymous said...

gp!!!!

Anonymous said...

oh Lord lol - nice work Dylf

B.@.D said...

Now I need a new trailer.

Anonymous said...

bahahahaha - so is this the normal lineup now? bad mondays, dylf tuesdays?

Anonymous said...

gp Dylf! they have too many ppl for a reg lineup

Anonymous said...

hahahahahaha thats the best. GP!

Jaderberri said...

Hahaha! I love the 'pornography is alright sometimes too you know' line. Ummm do you "perform" on a regular basis? And do you expect payment.

Dylf said...

....certain people get the performances for free.....

B.@.D said...

DON'T TELL THEM I GET SHIT FOR FREE!!! Dude, now everyone's gonna want it for free.

Anonymous said...

hahaha i loved that part too jader

I was looking at this thinking there was something wierd about it. Then I was like "HE'S STILL USING PROPER GRAMMAR!!!"

Dylf said...

I'll get drunk again soon enough......

Anonymous said...

GP!

Anonymous said...

hahaha GP Dylf

Anonymous said...

See that you do.